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547 Posts
Supposedly this happened over Remembrance Weekend.

The German air traffic controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect pilots to know their gate parking location but also how to get there without any assistance from them. Following exchange took place:

British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."

Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, and I didn't land."

Premium Member
547 Posts
Two mechanics were sitting at their break when one noticed that the other was drinking brake fluid. He said Are you crazy, you can’t drink that stuff!

The other guy says It’s OK, I don't drink it all the time but actually it tastes quite good.

The first guy says But brake fluid is a known poison.

The other guy says Don’t worry, I can stop any time I want to.

Premium Member
547 Posts
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review: To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow july den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes, july Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds." G : "You're very welcome."

Premium Member
2,805 Posts
I saw this fat bird in the pub, her T-shirt said - Watch out, I'm a maneater!
I went up to her and said "Excuse me love, about your T-shirt slogan."
She stopped me and angrily said "Oh let me guess, you want to know how many men I've eaten?! Well I can't help my size you know!"
I said "Actually no, I wasn't going to say that at all."
She looked happier and smiled as she said
"Oh yes, what did you want to say then?."
"That's not how you spell Manatee."
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