Vauxhall Owners Network Forum banner

541 - 560 of 593 Posts

Premium Member
547 Posts
Hear about the Scottish rugby fan who went to Japan for the Rugby World Cup? He went to the hotel bar the first night and picked up a Japanese girl, took her up to the room and soon they started making love. As he started, she cried "Sakoto, Sakoto!" He didn't speak Japanese so he thought 'she must mean faste'" so went faster. Still she cried out Sakoto! Sakoto! So he made his ar$e go like a blur until he fell off exhausted.

When he woke up in the morning she was gone so he went downstairs, had some breakfast then decided to have a round of golf on the hotel course. At the first tee he sliced the ball and it flew off towards the 18th hole. His little Japanese caddy said "Sakoto". So he asked him what does this Sakoto mean? The little caddy said "Wrong hole!"

Premium Member
4,772 Posts
A store that sells new husbands has opened in London where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please and are all just want, want, fucking want.

No wonder you are on you own, you deserve being left on the shelf. Now fuck off!

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have some money and like a beer and a fuck whenever you fancy!

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Super Moderator
12,465 Posts
Discussion Starter #549
A wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her Husband there, reading a magazine. "Hi Darling" he says "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?

Premium Member
2,808 Posts
A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?

"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"

"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"

"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."

"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."

"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."

"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."

The Journalist then asked: "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"Like I'm talking to the f***ing wall."
541 - 560 of 593 Posts