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Premium Member
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1,343 Posts
Well after getting this for Xmas I'm sure I'll have one or two for you all.

Yesterday I saw a man drop a scrabble board on the road so I asked him what's the word on the street

I've been a limo driver for 20 years and not had a single customer. Not a lot to chauffeur it really

You should never use beef stew for your Internet password because it's not stroganoff
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VXON's middle-aged lesbian.
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2,998,485 Posts
I nearly got sacked from a roofing job. My boss caught me masturbating at the top of the scaffold. Luckily he was prepared to wipe the slate clean.
 

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Super Moderator
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25,317 Posts
  1. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day
  2. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away
Lol :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO:
Your on form.
 

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Premium Member
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2,662 Posts
The seven dwarfs always left early each morning to go to work in the mine.
As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.
As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunches and take them to the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunches, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in.
Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.
'Hello. Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!'

For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted,
'Hello! Is anyone down there?'
Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine,


"VOTE FOR JEREMY CORBYN"

Snow White fell to her knees and prayed, Oh, thank you, God! At least Dopey is still alive!
 

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Premium Member
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536 Posts
God was talking to Adam, he said "Adam I have good news and bad news."

Adam said "What's the good news Lord?"

God said "I gave you both a brain and a penis."

Adam said "Thank you Lord. I'm sure I'll find good uses for both of them. What's the bad news?"

God said "I didn't give you enough blood to use both at the same time."
 
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