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So my Billing this year was due to be a trip to Costco at Thurrock when it opened at 12pm then the journey up the m25 & M1 aiming to avoid most of the Friday traffic to get there around 3pm for beer o'clock.

As Dave and Alex were meeting at Milton Keynes Costco as it opened at 12pm the plans were changed, so a quick trip to the Polish car wash - £5 for wash wax, tyre shine and a free airfreshner - and I was on my way with for the first time for Billing, a clean car.

Dave was at Costco but not in his car when I arrived at 12pm, so I rang Alex to see where he was, junction 12 was the response, not far as junction 12 on the M1 is only a few miles away, only to find out its junction 12 on the M25! As he wouldn't be there soon I went in to get my bits, met Dave got meat and cake paid and left.

The sort trip to Billing showed a fully loaded photocopier salesman's car is no match for the senior executive charriot, no matter how much they try and kill you with fumes or make you deaf.

On arrival at the campsite we thought we would ge the BBQ on and the gazeebo up as we had coal and meat, only to remember Alex hadn't arrived with the BBQ or gazeebo yet, so what do we do? yes, open a beer :)

Eventually Alex arrived around 2am or something after nd epic nightmare prog rock fueled journey along with some familar faces that were talking a funny language from somewhere called 'the North' (Dave, Alex and myself actually thought we were already so far north the North pole was only 10-15MTMGH, but apparently not), after google translate failed we managed to dig up some babel fish that helped with the translation.

Yes Lambrini cider does exist its not a bad tanslation apparently

Matt arrived as he only live 10-15MTMGH, we all felt a little bit concerned as his now wife Jo was looking really stressed a bit overweight, as its not glandular its not good for her health so Alex shared some slimming world tips with her and she said she will try it in about 5-7 weeks, so heres hoping her health improves.

The rest of the day was spent with erections (some couldn't get it up - yes Luke thats you), BBQ meat and drinking with the southerners getting worried about being out numbered by the Northern monkeys and their 'friends' plans were being made for a potato cannon, but we decided it would be much easier to get jacked up on crystal meth and just throw the spuds.

Unfortunatley Matt had tickets to see 1D on saturday so couldn't spend the night, although oters blew their car up, turned up in the middle of the night, went to 1D and came back and put a tent up, so its a pretty crap excuse!

The early morning bin call and a sunshine covered tent meant the BBQ was on the go by around 730 Saturday morning, BBQ bacon works, by 9am the beer was open and the #bantz was in full flow

Sy and Trish dropped in for the day with a right old dog, but Bruce seemed pleasd to see her, maybe they will follow in Trish and Sys footsteps as another VxON date club couple and get married - keep watching next week to find out how they got on at Bernado's

I was going to do the photo comp but my camera decided it didn't want to play and wasn't saving photos so it just turned into a stroll round the cars. After Alex had eaten 6 ice creams #mentalist #lovesamrwhippy we went round the auto jumble, or as it should be know the tat crap tables. One guy was selling smashed Astra headlights, we were going to ask if he was on drugs, but as we got closer from the smell it was obvious he was!!

More beer and more food cooked by Alex was the order of the day. There was plenty of #bantz with more walking - 8.16 miles acording to my fitbit - and a few more ideas for next years Bear Monkey Railway.

Dave kept shooting off for 30mins at a time, we thought he had a booty call but it appeared he was using the little pig peoples toilet on the 4th floor.

The results for the photo competion were coming in and with 2 entries I thought with 25 mins to go before cut off I'd have a crack. If I'd had 30 mins I would have won, I was robbed etc etc etc, have to say it did make the looking at generic 'uniquely modified' Vauxhalls more interesting. With the 3rd prize of 3 air fresners I now have gone from none to 4 in 24 hours!

It started to get late so although we knew the generator was ducked we left it till the last minute to find out what was wrong, the verdict was its not producing enough elastictrickery and half a can of carb cleaner doesn't help, but does make for near death experience with Alex and matches

As evening drew closer we were ready to test out the Billing night life, this was delayed slightly when Luke's dad offered us a bit of rice that turned into a full blown home cooked chicken curry with the worlds biggest bag of prawn crackers being opened and dished out!!

After a wander round the slots, being trolled by the grab machine, comedy 'All holes are goals' photo moments and a VxON bumper cars game we retired to the pub for a quick couple of scoops before heading back for BBQ in the dark - cooking doesn't get tougher than this

Sunday dawned with the bin call and Alex beating the crap out of his meat tray. As Alex was doing his meat I did the onions and mushrooms and so the 'best 8am burger' was born. Geg Wallace would cum in his pants if he had tried one, Jon Tiedye would still say not enough spice but he can GTF.

With another wander about - only 5.9 fitbit miles- and some nija tent packing we went round for the chairman's cup, unfortunately the rain ballsed it up. We did still vote but it was hard to support in a monsoon.

With a final pack up of the tents and BBQ it was time to leave for home.

Another fantastic weekend made more enjoyable by the people who come. With the #bants, beer and BBQ its a relaxing weekend everyone should make an effort to attend.

See you all next year!

NT;DR - Billing was fun this year

#bantz #trippleblack #matchingnumbers #moreVWthanVxl #doyouwantsomeice #ifindoubt #dontusethehelicopter


12,114 Posts
Apologies to Dave it was me who blocked the one on the 16th floor...

Always a pleasure to see you Mr L

Glad we got our numbers matching
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