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Please note that in responding to your request for assistance we will store your personal details and respective correspondence on our customer care database.

Service Request No. : 1-0123456789
Date : 17 March 2006

Dear Mr X,

I write in response to the report submitted by Mr Y, regarding your Vauxhall Omega.

Our design engineers are trained to a very high standard, we feed them on a diet of bananas and small animals.

I would like to express our concerns regarding your antics whilst trying to maintain your vehicle in a roadworthy condition.

In future please refrain from publicly disclosing further details of your servicing skills as our engineers like all primates, are very easily upset.

Their communication through body postures, gestures, and vocalizations, all of which require intelligence to be interpreted are being severley disrupted by your consistent efforts to guide your fellow Vauxhall owners through the work carried out on your vehicle.

I may point out that unlike you Mr X, our skilled design engineers demonstrate great intelligence. Amongst their mental feats is the ability to create mental maps and calendars, storing information about the locations of different fruit trees and the time of year when the fruits become ripe.

Our highly skilled engineers hands and feet are also adapted for servicing Vauxhall vehicles. Their fingers and toes are very flexible, and their palms and soles like those of humans are usually covered in hairless nonslip skin.

Many of our engineers have opposable thumbs and opposable big toes which can be closed against the other fingers or toes to create a tight grip. This facilitates the most difficult of tasks.

Please be assured that future vehicles designed and manufactured by Vauxhall Motors will continue to have the highest standard of failures possible.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for allowing us to comment.

Yours sincerely

Mr M. Onkey (Top Banana)

Customer Service Manager
 
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